clueless3

SCENE XXIV - CHER'S HOUSE

CHER V.O.
     Suddenly, Daddy had a case that had to be solved right away, so some
     clerks and Josh came to help him go through a gazillion depositions.
(The doorbell rings)
CHER (from upstairs)
     Daddy!
MEL
     What?
CHER
     I can't just open it, I have to make him wait a while.
MEL
     Then he can wait outside.
CHER
     Josh, pleeeaaase!

     C'mon, Josh? C'mon.
(Josh opens the door. Christian walks right in)
CHRISTIAN
     What do ya hear?
JOSH
     She's not ready.
(The two of them walk over to where Mel is working)
CHRISTIAN
     Hey, man.
(Christian extends his hand, but Mel ignores it)
     Nice pile of bricks you got here.
MEL
     You drink?
CHRISTIAN
     No, thanks. I'm cool.
MEL
     I'm not offering, I'm asking you if you drink? You think I'd give
     alcohol to teenage drivers taking my daughter out?
CHRISTIAN
     Hey, man. The protective vibe, I dig.
MEL
     What's with you kid? You think the death of Sammy Davis left an
     opening in the Rat Pack?
(Cher appears walking down the stairs. Josh and
every male in the audience is stunned)
CHER
     Christian.
CHRISTIAN
     Doll face.
CHER
     Handsome.
CHRISTIAN
     Stunning.
JOSH (to Mel)
     You're not letting her go out like that, are ya?
MEL
     Cher, get in here.
CHER
     What's up, Daddy?
MEL
     What the hell is that?
CHER
     A dress.
MEL
     Says who?
CHER
     Calvin Klein.
MEL
     It looks like underwear. Go upstairs and put something over it.
CHER
     Duh, I was just going to.
(Cher runs off)
MEL
     Hey, you?!
(Christian turns around)
     Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and shovel. I doubt
     anybody would miss you.
(Cher reappears)
CHER
     Bye, Daddy. C'mon!
(They walk out)
CHER
     It's so killer!
CHRISTIAN
     Thank you. Your dad is pretty scary.
CHER
     Isn't he?
CHRISTIAN
     You like Billie Holiday?
CHER
     I love him.
CHRISTIAN
     Right.
"Miss Brown To You" Billie Holiday
(They drive off)
JOSH
     I didn't like him.
MEL
     What's to like?
JOSH
     I think I should go to the party.
MEL
     If you feel like you should go...
JOSH
     You don't need me, do ya?
MEL
     No, no, no.
JOSH
     I mean, unless you want? I mean, unless you want?
MEL
     Josh! Go to the party. Go, go, go, go.
JOSH
     OK. I'll watch her for you.
(Josh walks off)
MEL
     You do that.

SCENE XXV - THE FRAT PARTY

"Someday I Suppose" Mighty Mighty Bosstones
(Everyone is just dancing. Tai enters)
CHER
     Tai!
(Tai falls down the stairs on her butt! Classic!)
     Oh, my God. Tai, are you OK?
TAI
     God, shit! That is so embarassing!
CHER
     No, no one saw.
TAI
     Now, all night long, I'm gonna be known as that girl who fell on her
     butt.
CHER
     Tai, no one noticed.
"Where'd You Go?" Mighty Mighty Bosstones
COLLEGE GUY
     Wow! Are you OK? That looked really bad.
TAI
     Yeah, thanks.
(Tai spots Elton dancing with Amber.)
     Oh, my God, Cher, look. He's going with Amber?!
CHER
     No, he's probably just dancing with her.
TAI
     Do you think she's pretty?
CHER
     No, she's a full on Monet.
TAI
     What's a monet?
CHER
     It's like a painting, see? From far away, it's OK, but up close,
     it's a big old mess. Let's ask a guy. Christian, what do you think
     of Amber?
CHRISTIAN
     Hagsville.
CHER
     See?
CHRISTIAN
     Dig this. They're charging for brewskies. Cash me a five, I'll pay
     you back.
CHER
     Sure.
(Christian kisses Cher on the cheek)
CHRISTIAN
     Thanks.
(Christian walks away)
TAI
     He is so cute!
CHER
     Oh, my God. Do you see how he is falling in love with me?
(The girls watch Christian shrug off an interested girl)
     I mean, look how he ignores every other girl.
TAI
     Oh, God, look. There's Josh.
CHER V.O.
     I didn't even see him come in, but it's like he finds the only adult
     in here, like he's deliberately trying to not have fun.
TAI
     Cher, I have a question. What do you think I should do with this
     thing? Should I, uh, like tie it around, or put it over my shoulder?
CHER
     Tie it around your waist.
CHRISTIAN
     Ready to slide?
TAI
     Thanks.
CHRISTIAN
     Let's go.
(Christian and Cher return to the dance floor)
CHER V.O.
     The band was kickin', and Christian was the hottest guy there, but
     my enjoyment was put on pause when I saw how unhappy Tai was.
(Josh walks over to Tai, engages in small talk, then asks her to dance)
CHER
     Oh, look, look! Josh is dancing with Tai, he never dances.
CHRISTIAN
     I can see why.
CHER
     No, he's doing her a prop so she won't feel left out.
CHRISTIAN
     Oh, I dig it.
(Time passes. Cher, Tai, Josh, and Christian are left. Christian is still
dancing by himself)
"Here (Squirmel Mix)" Luscious Jackson
JOSH
     How are you guys holding up?
CHER
     We're so ready to leave.
TAI
     I'm tired.
CHER
     Let's get Christian and go. Christian! You wanna go?
CHRISTIAN
     Now? These guys here have got the skinny on the happenin' after
     hours.
CHER
     My trainer's coming really, really early this morning.
CHRISTIAN
     Oh.
JOSH
     Look, I could take the girls home.
CHRISTIAN
     No, it's OK.
CHER
     No, I'm fine, stay.
CHRISTIAN
     You sure?
CHER
     Yeah, sure.
CHRISTIAN (to Josh)
     Thanks, man. You got my marker.
(to Cher) You are a down girl. I'll call you tomorrow.

SCENE XXVI - JOSH'S CAR

CHER
     That was really decent of you to dance with Tai tonight.
JOSH
     My pleasure.
CHER
     You notice any positive changes in her?
JOSH
     Yeah, it's under your tutilage she's exploring the challenging world
     of bare midriffs. So you didn't want to make a night of it with the
     ring-a-ding kid?
CHER
     Yeah, Daddy wouldn't go too ballistic, it's not like he's going to
     sleep or anything.
JOSH
     No, not if they're going to finish those depo's.
CHER
     Hey, you what would be so dope? If we got some really delicious
     take-out. I bet they haven't eaten all night.
JOSH
     That would be pretty dope of us. Let's do it.

SCENE XXVII - CHER'S HOUSE

CHER V.O.
     The midnight snack totally revived the lawyers and Daddy was way
     grateful.
MEL
     Mmm, Meat!
CHER
     Meaty oranges and you get a lot of vitamin C.
(Mel picks up a large sandwich)
     Daddy, no! Daddy, no. You know you can't have that...
MEL
     Cher, c'mon!
CHER
     Don't be silly.
CHER V.O.
     I know it sounds mental, but sometimes I have more fun vegging out
     than when I go partying. Maybe because my party clothes are so
     binding.
JOSH
     Look, I'm just curious. How many hours a day do you spend grooming
     yourself?
CHER
     Some people are not lucky enough to be as naturally adorable as you
     are.
JOSH
     Stop it, you're making me blush.
(Phone rings. Cher answers)
CHER
     Hello?
GAIL
     Hi Cher, how are you?
CHER
     Hi, Gail.
GAIL
     Is my son there, cleaning out your refridgerator?
(Josh motions a "No" to Cher)
CHER
     No, no, he's not here. You should try the dorms.
GAIL
     Alright, bye, hon.
CHER
     Bye-bye.
(Cher hangs up the phone)
     What was that all about?
JOSH
     She wants me to come home for spring break.
CHER
     So, what's the big deal? Nobody will be in school.
JOSH
     Yeah, but husband number four's at home and his whole idea of acting
     like a family is to criticize me.
CHER
     So, what? You're just going to roam around campus for two weeks all
     by yourself?
JOSH
     I don't mind.
CHER
     That is stupid. Why don't you just come here, you can have your old
     room, and there are going to be some great parties.
JOSH
     I don't know.
CHER
     Why not?
JOSH
     You got your whole social world going on, I don't want to get in the
     way.
CHER
     you won't be in the way.
JOSH
     How much fun would it be having a brother-type tagging along?
CHER
     Josh, you are not my brother.
JOSH
     You know what I mean.
CHER
     C'mon, you need some excitement in your life. It'll replenish you
     for your finals.
JOSH
     OK.
CHER
     Good.
JOSH
     I can't believe I'm taking advice from someone who watches cartoons.
CHER
     That's Ren and Stimpy. They're way existential.
JOSH
     Do you have any idea what you're talking about?
CHER
     No, why? Do I sound like I do?

SCENE XXVIII - CHER'S HOUSE

(Theme from "2001:A Space Odyssey" is playing while camera is focused on
phone. The phone rings)
CHER V.O.
     Christian said he'd call the next day, but in boy time, that meant
     Thursday. So, you can imagine my astonishment to hear from him while
     I was packing Daddy up.
CHER
     Hello?
"I Believe I'm You" Gail Orange
CHER V.O.
     He said he'd come over with some video tapes and we'd watch them. A
     night alone with Christian! I sent for reinforcements. Then, Dee and
     I had to design a lighting concept, and costume decisions. I don't
     rely on mirrors, so I always take polaroids. Whenever a boy comes,
     you should always have something baking.
CHER
     Oh, I'm still all red.
DIONNE
     Well, I'm trying to make you as white as I can, Cher. Look, you're
     all flushed. You have to calm down. OK? Calm.
CHER
     You know, I am so glad I never did it with someone I had lukewarm
     feelings for. Christian is brutally hot, and I am going to remember
     tonight forever.
DIONNE
     Blot.
(Later)
(The door bell rings. Cher opens the door)
CHRISTIAN
     Hi.
CHER
     Hi.
CHRISTIAN
     Is something burning?
CHER
     Oh, my God!
(Cher runs to the kitchen. The bake was fried)
CHRISTIAN
     Oh, honey, you baked.
CHER
     I tried.
CHRISTIAN
     C'mon, show me the rest of your pad.
(Cher and Christian are outside among Mel's art collection)
CHRISTIAN
     Your father has a well-rounded collection.
CHER
     Daddy says it's a good investment.
CHRISTIAN
     He's absolutely right. Klaus Oldenberg.
CHER
     Oh, he's way famous!
(Christian approaches a different sculpture)
CHRISTIAN
     This is older, see? Transitional. A very important piece.
CHER
     Um, do you want to go swimming?
CHRISTIAN
     Hmmm, let's watch the movies.
CHER
     Oh, OK.
(Scene moves to Christian and Cher lying on bed watching "Spartacus")
CHER V.O.
     Christian had a thing for Tony Curtis, so he brought over "Some Like
     It Hot" and "Sparaticus".
(Cher starts rubbing her feet up against Christian's legs. Christian doesn't
enjoy it)
CHER
     My feet are cold.
(Christian puts a pillow over Cher's feet)
     Thanks.
CHRISTIAN
     Oh, watch this part, this is good.
(Cher falls off the bed while trying to look sexy.)
     Are you OK?
CHER
     I'm fine. Do you want some, something to drink? You know, I could
     get you some wine.
CHRISTIAN
     No. You notice how wine makes people wanna feel, like sexy.
CHER
     That's OK.
CHRISTIAN
     I'm actually getting tired.
CHER
     But, um, I could make you some coffee if you'd like?
CHRISTIAN
     Oh, no thanks. Got the ulcer.
CHER
     But you had all those cappucinos before?
CHRISTIAN
     Oh. Well, you know, that was, like... foam.
(They move to the front door)
     You're great. We're friends, right?
(Cher nods)
     Knock me a little kiss.
(Cher kisses him on the cheek)
     I'll see ya.
(Christian leaves)
CHER V.O.
     I don't get it. Did my hair get flat? Did I
     stumble into some bad lighting? What's wrong
     with me?

SCENE XXIX - MURRAY'S CAR

DIONNE
     Nothing! Maybe he really was tired!
CHER
     I suppose it wasn't meant to be, I mean, he
     does dress better than I do. What would I bring
     to the relationship?
MURRAY
     Get back into the right lane. What's the first thing you do?
DIONNE
     First thing I do is, I put on my blinker.
(Dionne accidently turns the wipers on)
     Oh, wait, shit.
MURRAY
     Watch the road, watch the road!
DIONNE
     Alright! Stop. Then, I look in my mirror. OK, then I glance at my
     blind spot.
MURRAY
     Glance with your head, not the whole car. I swear to God, I swear to
     God, Woman, you can't drive for shit!
DIONNE
     I'm not trying to hear that.
MURRAY
     Hear me...
CHER
     Actually, going all the way is like a really big decision. I can't
     believe I was so caprecious about it. Dee, I almost had sex with
     him.
MURRAY
     You almost had sex with who?
CHER
     Christian.
(Murray cracks up)
DIONNE
     What?
MURRAY
     Yo, look. Are you bitches blind or something? Your man, Christian is
     a cake-boy!
CHER & DIONNE
     A what?!
MURRAY
     He's a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde-reading,
     Streissand ticket-holding friend of Dorothy,
     know what I'm saying?
CHER
     Uh-uh. no way.
MURRAY
     He's gay.
CHER
     Not even.
MURRAY
     Yes, even.
DIONNE
     He does like to shop, Cher, and the boy can dress.
CHER
     Oh, my God. I am totally buggin'. I feel like such a bonehead.
MURRAY
     What the hell? Yo, you're getting on the freeway!
DIONNE
     What?!
MURRAY
     Yo, turn right! Get out of the lane! Don't go. Forget procedure,
     just get out of the lane!
(Both Cher and Dionne scream)
MURRAY
     Truck, truck, truck, truck! Ahhh!
CHER (screaming)
     You're on the freeway!
DIONNE
     What do I do, Murray?
MURRAY
     Go straight, go straight, go straight! Just relax and drive, baby!
     Just relax and drive.
(An old lady gives them the finger)
CHER (screaming)
     Shut up! Shut up!
(Lots of screams from everybody)
MURRAY
     Whatever you do, keep your hands on the wheel, at all times!
(A huge truck closes in on them. Murray sees it)
     Aaahhhhh!!!
(A lot more screaming from the three)
     Turn to the right! Oh, there it is. Alright, we're off. Damn, you
     did wonderful. Sorry, baby.
CHER
     You did it, Dee!
MURRAY
     Relax, relax, relax, relax, honey, relax. Baby, relax, relax.
     Breathe, breathe, breath in, breathe. Let it out. Breathe, breathe,
     breathe, honey, breathe, breath. Relax, relax.
CHER V.O.
     Boy, getting off the freeway makes you
     realize how important love is. After that,
     Dionne's virginity went from technical to
     non-exisistant. I realized how much I wanted a
     boyfriend of my own.

SCENE XXX - THE MALL

CHER V.O.
     Not that Christian wasn't a blast to hang out with. He was becoming
     one of my favourite shopping partners.
CHRISTIAN
     ???????? Um, where's Tai?
CHER
     Oh, she met some random guys at the Foot Locker and escorted them
     right over there.
TAI (in distance)
     Oh, my God! Did you see...
CHER
     I don't know where she meets these Barnies.
CHRISTIAN
     I have a question, alright?
CHER
     What?
CHRISTIAN
     The jacket? Is it James Dean or Jason Priestly?
CHER
     Carpe' diem. OK, you looked hot in it.
CHRISTIAN
     Really?
TAI (with the barnies)
     If I fall, would you guys catch me?
CHER
     Could we please be more... generic?
(Tai screams)
TAI
     Stop it! Please! Bring me back up, please! Bring me back up.
(Tai screams a little more, then Christian rescues her)
TAI
     Thank you.
CHRISTIAN
     You asshole!
BARNEY #1
     Hey, man. We're just joking.
CHRISTIAN
     Oh, really?! Someone could get killed.
(Tai runs over and hugs Cher)
TAI
     Cher, you don't understand. I was just sitting there and I was just
     talking to those guys, and then, all of a sudden, we were laughing,
     and...
CHRISTIAN
     Hey, are you OK?
TAI
     Yeah.
CHRISTIAN
     Are you sure?
TAI
     I'm fine. Yeah, uh-huh.
CHRISTIAN
     Let's get you home for some R&R, huh?
TAI
     What's that?
(Christian laughs)
CHER V.O.
     Boy, considering how clueless she was, Tai certainly had that
     "damsel in distress" act down.

SCENE XXXI - SCHOOL

CHER V.O.
     Meanwhile, back at school, everyone was talking about Tai's "brush
     with death" at the mall.
STUDENT
     Was it, like a montage of all the scenes in your life?
TAI
     Not exactly a montage...
SUMMER
     Hey, Cher! Is it true some gang members, like tried to shoot Tai in
     the mall?
CHER
     No.
SUMMER
     That is what everyone is saying.
CHER
     Whatever.
STUDENT
     When I was nine, I fell off the jungle gym,
     that's when I saw this light, you know?
TAI
     Wait, wait. Move down for Cher.
DIONNE
     Hi!
AMBER
     Tell me more, tell me more.
TAI
     Where was I?
AMBER
     You were thinking about was really important.
TAI
     Oh, right, right. Right before you die, your mind just sort of gets
     very clear. It's a very intense, spiritual thing...
CHER
     Well, I know when I was held at gun-point...
STUDENT
     Excuse me. (to Tai) You were saying.
TAI
     It's spiritual. I don't know, I can't, I can't pinpoint the
     spirituality out for you, you know, if you've never experienced
     anything...
CHER
     Tai! I was planning on going to the Tower and getting something for
     Christian. You know, like some kind of present or something. You
     wanna come?
TAI
     Sure. I mean, I owe him my life.
CHER
     So, I'll get you after school.
TAI
     Yeah... no, not today, I'm going over to Melrose with Amber.
AMBER
     We're going to Melrose.
CHER
     Oh, well, how about tomorrow?
TAI
     Do you think we could do it next Monday? My week's filling up pretty
     fast here.
DIONNE
     So, when we got back from the eye hop it was late.
TAI
     Oh, what? Swoon? Here comes your boyfriend.
(Travis approaches)
TRAVIS
     Tai, check it out.
(Travis spits up in the air, then catches it. What a legend!)
(Sounds of disgust from around the table)
TRAVIS
     Could you shove down a bit?
DIONNE
     No.
TAI
     Hello? Don't the slackers prefer that grassy knoll over there?
(Some at the table laugh. Travis is surprised and
hurt. Cher looks worried and a little
disappointed)
DIONNE
     Tai, so anyway.
TAI
     What?
DIONNE
     Have you ever done it in water?
TAI
     Oh, yeah.
DIONNE
     Really?
TAI
     Uh-huh.
CHER V.O.
     What was happening? Dionne asking tai for sex advice? Tai being the
     most popular girl in school? It was like some sort of alternate
     universe!

SCENE XXXII - THE DRIVING TEST

CHER V.O.
     On top of everyhting else, I was going to take the driving test. So,
     I had to find my most resposible-looking ensemble.
CHER
     Lucy! Lucy! Where's my white collarless shirt from Fred Segal?
(Cher moves to the kitchen)
     Lucy, where's my shirt?
LUCY
     Probably at the cleaners.
CHER
     But today's the driving test. It's my most capable looking outfit.
LUCY
     OK, I call them.
CHER
     It's too late now. Oh, and we got another notice from the fire
     department saying to clear out the bush. You said you were going to
     get Jose to do it.
LUCY
     He your gardener. I don't know why you don't tell him.
CHER
     Lucy, you know I don't speak Mexican.
LUCY
     I not a Mexican!
CHER
     Great, what was that all about?
JOSH
     Lucy's from El Salvador.
CHER
     So?
JOSH
     It's an entirely different country.
CHER
     Oh, what does that matter?
JOSH
     You get upset if someone thinks you live below Sunset.
CHER
     Oh, OK, so everything is all my fault? I'm always wrong, right?
JOSH
     You're such a brat.
(Scene changes to inside Cher's car)
CHER V.O.
     I had an overwhelming sense of ickyness. Even though I apologized to
     Lucy, something was still plaguing me. Like Josh thinking I was mean
     was making me postal.
DMV TESTER
     Move into the right lane.
CHER V.O.
     I mean, why should I care what Josh thinks? Why was I letting it
     throw me into such turmoil?
(Cher moves right without looking and almost wipes out a cyclist)
DMV TESTER
     Watch out for the bike rider!
CYCLIST
     Hey!
CHER
     Oops! My bad.
DMV TESTER
     What are you doing? You can't take up both lanes. Get in the right
     lane.
(Cher moves right and scrapes against a parked car)
DMV TESTER
     Not so close!
CHER
     Ooh! Should I write them a note?
DMV TESTER
     Pull over up here and turn off the engine. Yeah, right there.
(Cher pulls up at least three feet from the cerb)
CHER
     Ooh. Are you gonna take me somewhere to make left-hand turns?
DMV TESTER
     We're going back to the D.M.V.
CHER
     It's over?
DMV TESTER
     It's over.
CHER
     Well, how'd I do?
DMV TESTER
     How'd you do? Well, let's see shall we? You can't park, you can't
     switch lanes, you can't make right-hand turns, you damaged private
     property, and you almost killed someone. Off hand, I'd say you
     failed.
CHER
     Failed?! Can't we just start over, I mean,
     I'm kind of having a personal problem, my mind
     was somewhere else, I mean, you saw how that
     biker came out of nowhere, right? I swear I'll
     concentrate, I drive really good, usually.
     Isn't there somebody else I can talk to, a
     supervisor or something, I mean, you can't be
     the absolute and final word in driver's
     licences?
DMV TESTER
     Girly, as far as your concerned, I am the Messiah of the D.M.V. Now,
     get out of the car.

SCENE XXXIII - CHER'S HOUSE

CHER V.O.
     I can't believe I failed. I failed something I couldn't talk my way
     out of?
(Cher approaches Josh and Tai who are playing with a hacky-sack)
TAI
     Hey! You're home.
JOSH
     Hey, how does it feel to have a licence?
CHER
     I wouldn't know, I failed.
TAI
     Oh, bummer.
CHER
     And Josh, spare me the lectures on how driving is such a big
     responsibility, and you can't B.S. your way through it, OK?
JOSH
     I didn't say anything.
CHER
     I know what you're thinking.
TAI
     I got to tell you something, I'm really sorry about your test and
     all, but I am so glad you're here. There's something I gotta do and
     I really need you here when I really do it. Does this thing work?
CHER
     Oh, yeah, sure.
(Cher picks up the remote and switches the fire on)
     What is this stuff?
TAI
     This is a bunch of stuff that reminded me of Elton, but I want to
     burn it, because I am so over him.
CHER
     What stuff?
TAI
     Alright, do you remember when we were at the Val party and the clog
     knocked me out, and Elton ran and got a towel of ice to cure me.
CHER
     Well, yeah.
TAI
     Well, I didn't tell you at the time, but I took the towel home as a
     souvenir.
CHER
     You're kidding?
TAI
     No.
(Tai throws the towel into the fire)
     And then, do you remember that song that was playing while we
     danced? Remember that? You know, the rollin' with the homies?
CHER
     Oh.
TAI
     Anyways, so I got the tape right? I
     listened to it, like every single night.
CHER
     Don't burn that.
TAI
     OK.
CHER
     Tai, I'm really happy for you, but what brought on this surge of
     empowerment?
TAI
     It's like, I met this guy who's so totally amazing that he makes
     Elton look like a loser.
CHER
     That is so great.
TAI
     Look, you have got to help me get Josh.
CHER
     Get Josh what?
TAI
     You know what I mean. I like him.
CHER
     Do you think that he like you?
TAI
     Yeah.
CHER
     How do you know?
TAI
     Like, little things, you know? Like, he always, he finds some sort
     of way to touch me or tickle me. And you remember the time at the
     frat when I was totally depressed and he asked me to dance with him,
     he was really flirty. You OK?
CHER
     Yeah. Oh, actually, I was really bad today, I had two moccacinos, I
     feel like ralphing.
TAI
     I know exactly how that feels. Like the other day, I was talking to
     Josh, and we were discussing the difference between high school
     girls and colege girls. The college girls wear less make-up on their
     face and that's why guys like them more.
CHER
     But, Tai, do you really think you could go with Josh? I mean, he's
     like a school nerd.
TAI
     What, am I some sort of mentally challenged airhead?
CHER
     No. Not even, I didn't say that.
TAI
     But I'm not good enough for Josh, or something?
CHER
     I just don't think you mesh well together.
TAI
     You don't think that we mesh well? It is like, why am I even
     listening to you to begin with? You're a virgin who can't drive.
CHER
     That was way harsh, Tai.
TAI
     Look, I'm really sorry. Let's just talked when we've mellowed,
     alright? I'm audi.
CHER V.O.
     What did I do? I've created sort sort of a monster. I could feel the
     chunks start to rise up in my throath. I had to get out.

SCENE XXXIV - CHER WALKING THE STREETS

"All By Myself" Jewel
CHER V.O.
     Everything I think and everything I do is wrong. I was wrong about
     Elton, I was wrong about Christian, and now Josh hated me. It all
     boiled down to one inevitable conclusion, I was just totally
     clueless. Oh, and this Josh and Tai thing was
     wigging me more than anything. I mean, what
     was my problem? Tai is my pal, I don't
     begrudge her a boyfriend, I really.. Ooh, I
     wonder if they have that in my size.
     What does she want with Josh, anyway? He
     dresses funny, he listens to complaint rock,
     he's not even cute... in a conventional way. I
     mean, he's just like this slug who hangs
     around the house all the time. And he's a
     hideous dancer, I couldn't take him
     anywhere. Wait a second, what am I
     stressing about? This is like, Josh! OK,
     OK, so he's kind of a baldwin, but what
     would he want with Tai? She couldn't make
     him happy. Josh needed someone with
     imagination, someone to take care of him,
     someone to laugh at his jokes... in case
     he ever makes any. Then suddenly...
CHER
     Oh, my God. I love Josh.
CHER V.O.
     I am majorly, totally, butt-crazy in love with Josh.