COUNT RUGEN.
The mere mention of the Fire Swamp makes him pale.
CUT TO:
THE RAVINE FLOOR
TWO BODIES lie a few feet apart, not moving. It is, of course, Buttercup
and Westley. They might be corpses. After a time,
Westley slowly forces his body into motion and as he does,
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP,
bruised and torn, as Westley crawls slowly toward her.
WESTLEY
Can you move at all?
BUTTERCUP
(weakly stretching out an arm toward him)
Move? You're alive. If you want, I can fly.
WESTLEY
I told you, "I would always come for you." Why didn't you wait for me?
BUTTERCUP
Well ... you were dead.
WESTLEY
Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.
BUTTERCUP
I will never doubt again.
WESTLEY
There will never be a need.
And now, they begin to kiss; it's a tender kiss, tender and loving and gentle and --
THE KID
(off-screen)
Oh no. No, please.
CUT TO:
THE KID's BEDROOM
GRANDFATHER
What is it? What's the matter?
THE KID
They're kissing again, do we have to hear the kissing part?
GRANDFATHER
Someday, you may not mind so much.
THE KID
Skip on to the Fire Swamp -- that sounded good.
GRANDFATHER
Oh. You're sick, I'll humor you.
(he picks up the book again)
So now, where were we here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ah. Oh. Okay. Westley
and Buttercup raced along the ravine floor.
CUT TO:
WESTLEY AND BUTTERCUP
racing along the ravine floor. Westley glances up.
CUT TO:
HUMPERDINCK AND HIS MEN
perched on top of the cliff, looking down at Westley and Buttercup.
CUT TO:
WESTLEY.
WESTLEY
Ha. Your pig fiance is too late. A few more steps and we'll be safe in the Fire Swamp.
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP,
and Westley has tried to say it with Chevalier-like nonchalance, but she ain't buying.
BUTTERCUP
We'll never survive.
WESTLEY
Nonsense -- you're only saying that because no one ever has.
As they race off, leaving Humperdinck and his men stranded, defeated.
CUT TO:
THE FIRE SWAMP
And it really doesn't look any worse than any other moist, sulphurous,
infernal horror you might run across. Great trees block
the sun.
CUT TO:
WESTLEY AND BUTTERCUP.
Buttercup is clearly panicked and maybe Westley is too, but he moves jauntily along, sword in hand.
WESTLEY
It's not that bad. I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely.
THE GIANT TREES, thick and black-green, look ominous as hell and they shield all but intermittent stripes of sun.
A GIANT SPURT OF FLAME leaps up, preceded by a slight popping sound,
and this particular spurt of flame misses
Westley, but Buttercup is suddenly onfire; at least the lower half
of her is and --
CUT TO:
WESTLEY,
instantly forcing Buttercup to sit, gathering her flaming hem in his
hands, doing his best to suffocate the fire. This isn't all that
easy and it causes him a bit of grief, but he does his best to sound
as jaunty as before.
WESTLEY
Well now, that was an adventure.
He examines where the flames burst over her.
WESTLEY
Singed a bit, were you?
BUTTERCUP
(She wasn't and she shakes her head "no")
You?
He was, and he shakes his head "no." As he pulls her to her feet --
CUT TO:
THE SWAMP FLOOR
-- and as ther e's another popping sound,
CUT TO:
WESTLEY GRABBING BUTTERCUP,
pulling her aside to safety as another great spun of flame suddenly shoots up.
WESTLEY
Well, one thing I will say. The Fire Swamp certainly does keep you on your toes.
Buttercup is frozen with fear. He takes her hand, gently kads herforzvard as we-
CUT TO:
The two of them
moving slowly along through a particularly dangerous part of the Fire Swamp.
It's later now, the sun slants down at a slightly different angle.
WESTLEY
(happily)
This will all soon be but a happy memory because
Roberts' ship "Revenge" is anchored at the far end. And I, as
you know, am Roberts.
BUTTERCUP
But how is that possible, since he's been marauding twenty years and you only left me five years ago?
WESTLEY
I myself am often surprised at life's little quirks.
There is again a popping sound, then a huge spurt of flame. Westley
simply picks up Buttercup as they walk along, moves her
out of danger, puts her back down, goes right on talking without missing
a beat.
WESTLEY
You see, what I told you before about saying
"please" was true. It intrigued Roberts, as did my descriptions of
your beauty.
CUT TO:
SOME HIDEOUS VINES --
they look like they could be flesh eating. Westley takes his sword,
slices a path for them to follow. The vines groan as they fall.
He's been chatting away the entire time.
WESTLEY
Finally, Roberts decided something. He said,
"All right, Westley, I've never had a valet. You can try it for tonight.
I'll most likely kill you in the morning."
Three years he said that. "Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well.
I'll
most likely kill you in the morning." It was
a fine time for me. I was learning to fence, to fight, anything anyone
would teach me. And Roberts and I eventually
became friends. And then it happened.
BUTTERCUP
What? -- go on --
Westley picks her up, carrying her across some swamp water that is bridged by a narrow, rickety tree branch.
WESTLEY
Well, Roberts had grown so rich, he wanted
to retire. So he took me to his cabin and told me his secret. "I am not
the Dread Pirate Roberts," he said. "My name
is Ryan. I inherited this ship from the previous Dread Pirate
Roberts, just as you will inherit it from
me. The man I inherited it from was not the real Dread Pirate Roberts,
either. His name was Cummerbund. The real
Roberts has been retired fifteen years and living like a king in
Patagonia." Then he explained the name was
the important thing for inspiring the necessary fear. You see, no one
would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley.
The two of them have by now crossed the pond.
WESTLEY
So we sailed ashore, took on an entirely new
crew and he stayed aboard for awhile as first mate, all the time
calling me Roberts. Once the crew believed,
he left the ship and I have been Roberts ever since. Except, now that
we're together, I shall retire and hand the
name over to someone else. Is everything clear to you?
Buttercup, perplexed, is about to reply but the ground she steps on
gives way -- it's Lightning Sand -- a great patch of it, and it
has her -- a cloud of powder rises and she sinks into the stuff crying
Westley's name but then she is gone as we --
CUT TO:
WESTLEY WHIRLING,
slashing at a U-shaped vine, hacks it in half -- it's still connected
to the tree. Then be grabs it, drops his sword, and, clutching
the other end of the vine, he dives into the lightning sand and there
is another cloud of white powder, but it settles quickly.
Now nothing can be seen. Nothing at all. Just the lightning sand, lovely and lethal.
HOLD ON THE LIGHTNING SAND -- THEN --
An odd panting sound is heard now. The panting sound is suddenly very
loud. And then a giant R.0.U.S. darts into view. The
R.0.U.S. -- a Rodent of Unusual Size -- is probably no more than eighty
pounds of bone and power. It sniffs around a bit then,
as quickly as it has come, it goes.
CUT TO:
THE LIGHTNING SAND,
as Westley, lungs long past the bursting point, explodes out; he has
Buttercup across his shoulders and as he pulls to the edge
of the lightning sand pit, using the vine --
CUT TO:
CLOSE-UP - BUTTERCUP.
Her face is caked with the white powder. It is in her eyes, her ears,
hair, mouth. She's still probably beautiful, but you have to
look awfully hard to see it. As Westley continues to pull them to safety
--
CUT TO:
The R.0.U.S.,
high above them; it watches --
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP,
placed against a tree. Westley is cleaning the lightning sand from
her face.
He hesitates, glances around and
CUT TO:
The R.0.U.S.
on a much lower branch now. It stares down at Westley.
Westley stares back up at the beast. Buttercup is oblivious. Her eyes flutter. He continues to work on her as --
BUTTERCUP
We'll never succeed -- we may as well die here.
WESTLEY
No. No. We have already succeeded.
(he glances back again)
Now THERE ARE TWO R.0.U.S.'s. The have climbed into a nearby tree, stare hungrily down.
CUT TO:
WESTLEY, picking her up.
He puts an arm around her, starts to walk with her as he encouragingly goes on talking.
WESTLEY
I mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire
Swamp? One, the flame spurts. No problem. There's a popping
sound preceding each, we can avoid that. Two,
the Lightning Sand. But you were clever enough to discover what
that looks like, so in the future we can avoid
that too.
BUTTERCUP
Westley, what about the R.O.U.S.'s?
WESTLEY
Rodents of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist...
And as he says that, a R.0.U.S. comes flying at him from off-screen.
&nb sp; CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP,
screaming and --
Westley, pinned under the attacking R.0.U.S., trying to fend it off. Can't. The thing's teeth sink deep into his arm. He howls.
Westley drives a fist into the beast's face, rolling it off. He reaches
for his sword just a few feet away, but the R.0.U.S. is back
atop him. It's a fierce battle, and just when we think Westley can't
possibly win, he flips the ugly rodent clear.
Westley scrambles for his sword. The R.0.U.S. stampedes on, changing its target, heading right for --
Buttercup, and she's scared to death and --
BUTTERCUP
Westley!
Westley abandons his sword, reaching for the rodent, grabbing only a
tail, wrestling with it. Buttercup grabs a small branch, and
using it as a club, beats the skull of the thing, doing pretty well,
but the beast manages to snag her hem with its razor teeth, and
she's pulled to the ground, and
CUT TO:
WESTLEY,
jumping onto its back, and the R.0.U.S. is all over him now, sinking needle teeth into Westley's shoulder.
CUT TO:
WESTLEY,
with death close at hand, as a popping sound starts. He tries one desperate move, rolls into the sound --
CUT TO:
A FLAME spurt
shooting skyward and --
CUT TO:
WESTLEY,
with the R.0.U.S. pinned under him, and as the beast bursts into flame,
it lets go and Westley rolls safely free, grabs his sword
and exhaustedly stabs the R.0.U.S., which is trying to put itself out.
The R.0.U.S. collapses dead. Westley stands motionless, exhausted. The danger has passed.
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP,
relieved.
DISSOLVE TO:
THE FAR EDGE OF THE FIRE SWAMP
Beyond, a beach.
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP AND WESTLEY
BUTTERCUP
(almost in disbelief)
We did it.
WESTLEY
Now, was that so terrible?
(And from somewhere they summon strength, pick up their pace, and as they reach the edge of the Fire Swamp --)
CUT TO:
Something we hadn't expected:
Humperdinck on his horse, Rugen beside him. THREE WARRIORS, armed and
ready, are mounted in formation behind.
Buttercup and Westley are at the edge of the Fire Swamp, about to leave
it. They stop. Buttercup looks beyond exhaustion.
Westley looks worse.
HUMPERDINCK
Surrender!
It's dusk. Behind Humperdinck are the waters of the bay.
CUT TO:
WESTLEY AND BUTTERCUP,
staring out at the others.
WESTLEY
You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.
HUMPERDINCK
I give you full marks for bravery -- don't make yourself a fool.
WESTLEY
Ah, but how will you capture us? We know the
secrets of the Fire Swamp. We can live there quite happily for
some time. So, whenever you feel like dying,
feel free to visit.
HUMPERDINCK
I tell you once again -- surrender!
WESTLEY
It will not happen!
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP,
looking from one to the other; then something else catches her eye and we --
CUT TO:
AN ARMED WARRIOR,
in shadow, with a loaded crossbow aimed at Westley's heart.
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP,
looking the other way --
CUT TO:
ANOTHER WARRIOR,
crossbow aimed at Westley.
HUMPERDINCK
(roaring)
For the last time -- SURRENDER!
WESTLEY
(roaring right back, bigger)
DEATH FIRST!!
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP,
frantically staring around, and now
CUT TO:
A THIRD WARRIOR,
crossbow stretched, ready to shoot; this one is hidden in a tree blocking any escape Westley might try.
BUTTERCUP
Will you promise not to hurt him?
CUT TO:
HUMPERDINCK,
whirling to face her.
&nbs p; HUMPERDINCK
What was that?
CUT TO:
WESTLEY,
whirling to face her.
WESTLEY
What was that?
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP,
talking to them both.
BUTTERCUP
If we surrender, and I return with you, will you promise not to hurt this man?
HUMPERDINCK
(right hand high)
May I live a thousand years and never hunt
again.