The main courtyard of Florin replete with townspeople, livestock, and a bustling marketplace.
GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
(reading)
Five years later, the main square of Florin
City was filled as never before to hear the announcement of the great
Prince Humperdinck's bride-to be.
CUT TO:
PRINCE HUMPERDINCK, a man of incredible power and bearing, standing
in his royal robes on a castle balcony. Three
others standing behind him: an OLD COUPLE with crowns, the aging KING
AND QUEEN, and a dark bearded man who
seems the Prince's match in strength: this is COUNT RUGEN.
HUMPERDINCK
(raises his hands, starts to speak)
My people ... a month from now, our country
will have its 500th anniversary. On that sundown, I shall marry a
lady who was once a commoner like yourselves
--
(pause)
-- but perhaps you will not find her common now. Would you like to meet her?
And the answering YESSSS booms like summer thunder.
CUT TO:
A giant staircase leading to the CROWD and as a FIGURE just begins to become visible,
CUT TO:
THE CROWD, as they see the figure. (We haven't yet.) And if there is
such a thing as collective action, then this crowd,
collectively, holds its breath.
CUT TO:
THE STAIRCASE, as the figure appears in the archway. It is Buttercup. And she resplendent.
HUMPERDINCK
My people ... the Princess Buttercup!!
She descends the stairs and starts to move amongst the people.
CUT TO:
THE CROWD, and they do a very strange thing: with no instruction at
all, they suddenly go to their knees. Great waves of
people kneeling and --
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP, terribly moved. She stands immobile among her subjects, blinking
back tears. HOLD on her beauty for a
moment.
GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
Buttercup's emptiness consumed her. Although
the law of the land gave Humperdinck the right to choose his
bride, she did not love him.
CUT TO:
WOODLANDS
-- and Buttercup, barreling along, controlling her horse easily.
GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
Despite Humperdinck's reassurance that she would grow to love him, the only joy she found was in her daily ride.
CUT TO:
A WOODED GLEN, CLOSE TO SUNDOWN.
Lovely, quiet, deserted. Buttercup suddenly reins in.
VOICE
A word, my lady?
CUT TO:
THREE MEN, standing close together in the path. Beyond them can be seen
the waters of Florin Channel. The three men are
not your everyday commuter types. Standing in front is a tiny man with
the most angelic face. He is Sicilian and his name is
VIZZINI. Beside him is a Spaniard, erect and taut as a blade ofsteel.
His name is INIGO MONTOYA. Beside him is a giant.
His name is FEZZIK.
VIZZINI
We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?
BUTTERCUP
There is nothing nearby; not for miles.
VIZZINI
Then there will be no one to hear you scream-
He nods to the giant, Fezzik, who merely reaches over, touches a nerve
on Buttercup's neck, and the start of a scream is all she
manages -- unconsciousness comes that fast. As she starts to fall --
CUT TO:
A TINY ISOLATED SPOT AT THE EDGE OF FLORIN CHANNEL
A sailboat is moored. It's dusk now, shadows are long. Inigo, the Spaniard, busies himself getting the boat ready.
CUT TO:
The giant Fezzik carries Buttercup, unconscious, on board.
Vizzini rips some tiny pieces of fabric from an army jacket and tucks
them along the saddle of Buttercup's horse. There is about
the entire operation a sense of tremendous skill and precision.
INIGO
What is that you're ripping?
VIZZINI
(not stopping or turning)
It's fabric from the uniform of an Army officer of Guilder.
FEZZIK
Who's Guilder?
VIZZINI
(pointing straight out)
The country across the sea. The sworn enemy of Florin.
(slaps the horse's rump)
Go!
The horse takes off. They start for the boat.
VIZZINI
Once the horse reaches the castle, the fabric
will make the Prince suspect the Guilderians have abducted his love.
When he finds her body dead on the Guilder
frontier, his suspicions will be totally confirmed.
&n bsp; FEZZIK
You never said anything about killing anyone.
Vizzini hops onto the boat.
VIZZINI
I've hired you to help me start a war. That's a prestigious line of work with a long and glorious tradition.
FEZZIK
I just don't think it's right, killing an innocent girl.
VIZZINI
(whirling on
FEZZIK
)
Am I going mad or did the word "think" escape
your lips? You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic
land mass.
INIGO
I agree with FEZZIK.
CUT TO:
CLOSE UP: Vizzini, in a fury.
VIZZINI
(We only thought he was in a fury -- now he's really getting mad)
Oh. The sot has spoken. What happens to her is not truly your concern -- I will kill her --
(louder)
And remember this -- never forget this --
CUT TO:
INIGO AND FEZZIK, as Vizzini advances on them. Nothing shows on Inigo's face, but FEZZIK is panicked by Vizzini.
VIZZINI
(to Inigo)
-- when I found you, you were so slobbering drunk you couldn't buy brandy --
(now to FEZZIK, who retreats as much as he can while Vizzini advances)
-- and you -- friendless, brainless, helpless,
hopeless -- Do you want me to send you back to where you were,
unemployed in Greenland?
Vizzini glares at him, then turns, leaves them.
During this, Inigo has gone close to FEZZIK, who is very distressed at the insults he's just received. As Inigo casts off.
INIGO
(softly)
That Vizzini, he can fuss.
(a slight emphasis on the last word)
FEZZIK
(looking at Inigo)
... fuss ... fuss ...
(Suddenly, he's got it again, emphasis on the last word.)
I think he likes to scream at us.
INIGO
Probably he means no harm.
FEZZIK
He's really very short on charm.
INIGO
(proudly)
Oh, you've a great gift for rhyme.
FEZZIK
Yes, some of the time.
(he starts to smile)
VIZZINI
(whirling on them)
Enough of that.
As they sail off, we hear their voices as the boat recedes.
INIGO
FEZZIK, are there rocks ahead?
FEZZIK
If there are, we'll all be dead.
VIZZINI
No more rhymes now, I mean it.
FEZZIK
Anybody want a peanut?
As Vizzini screams we:
DISSOLVE TO:
THE SAILBOAT RACING ACROSS THE DARK WATERS
Inigo is at the helm, FEZZIK stands near the body of the princess, whose
eyelids flutter slightly -- or do they? Vizzini sits
motionless. The waves are higher, there are only occasional flashes
of moon slanting down between clouds.
VIZZINI
(to Inigo)
We'll reach the Cliffs by dawn.
Inigo nods, glances back.
VIZZINI
Why are you doing that?
INIGO
Making sure nobody's following us.
VIZZINI
That would be inconceivable.
BUTTERCUP
Despite what you think, you will be caught. And when you are, the Prince will see you all hanged.
Vizzini turns a cold eye on the Princess.
VIZZINI
Of all the necks on this boat, Highness, the one you should be worrying about is your own.
Inigo keeps staring behind them.
VIZZINI
Stop doing that. We can all relax, it's almost over-
INIGO
You're sure nobody's following us?
VIZZINI
As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally,
and in all other ways, inconceivable. No one in Guilder knows what
we've done. And no one in Florin could have
gotten here so fast. Out of curiosity, why do you ask?
&nbs p; INIGO
No reason. It's only, I just happened to look behind us, and something is there.
VIZZINI
What?
And suddenly the three whirl, stare back and as they do --
CUT TO:
THE DARKNESS BEHIND THEM.
It's hard to see; the moon is behind clouds now. But the wind whistles.
And the waves pound. And suddenly it's all gone
ominous.
CUT TO:
INGIO, FEZZIK, AND VIZZINI squinting back, trying desperately to see. At this moment, they are all holding their breaths.
CUT TO:
THE DARKNESS BEHIND THEM.
And there's still nothing to be seen. It's still ominous. Only now it's eerie too.
Then --
The moon slips through and --
Inigo was right -- something is very much there. A sailboat. Black.
With a great billowing sail. Black. It's a good distance
behind them, but it's coming like hell, closing the gap.
CUT TO:
INIGO, FEZZIK, AND VIZZINI
staring at the other boat.
VIZZINI
(explaining with as much logic as he can muster)
Probably some local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night through eel-infested waters.
And now as a sound comes from their boat they turn as we
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP, diving into the water, starting to swim away.
CUT TO:
THE BOAT,
and Vizzini screaming.
VIZZINI
Go in, get after her!
INIGO
I don't swim.
FEZZIK
(to the unasked question)
I only dog paddle.
VIZZINI
Veer left. Left. Left!
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP,
still close to the boat, switching from a crawl to a silent breast stroke.
The wind dies and as it does, something new is heard. A
not-too-distant high-pitched shrieking sound. Buttercup stops suddenly,
treads water.
CUT TO:
THE BOAT
VIZZINI
Do you know what that sound is, Highness? Those
are the Shrieking Eels -- if you doubt me, just wait. They
always grow louder when they're about to feed
on human flesh.
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP, treading water, still not far from the boat. The shrieking
sounds are getting louder and more terrifying. Buttercup
stays silent.
CUT TO:
THE BOAT
VIZZINI
If you swim back now, I promise, no harm will come to you. I doubt you will get such an offer from the Eels.
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP, and she's a gutsy girl. The shrieking sound is louder still,
but she doesn't make a sound. Behind her now,
something dark and gigantic slithers past.
She's scared, sure, petrified, who wouldn't be, but she makes no reply --
-- and now a SHRIEKING EEL has zeroed in on her --
-- and now she sees it, a short distance away, circling, starting to close --
-- and Buttercup is frozen, trying not to make a movement of any kind --
-- and the Eel slithers closer, closer --
-- and Buttercup knows it now, there's nothing she can do, it's over, all over --
-- and now the Eel opens its mouth wide, and it's never made such a noise, and as its great jaws are about to clamp down --
GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
She doesn't get eaten by the Eels at this time.
And the second we hear him:
CUT TO:
THE SICK KID'S ROOM
The Kid looks the same, pale and weak, but maybe he's gripping the sheets a little too tightly with his hands.
THE KID
What?
GRANDFATHER
The Eel doesn't get her. I'm explaining to you because you looked nervous.
THE KID
Well, I wasn't nervous.
His Grandfather says nothing, just waits.
THE KID
Well, maybe I was a little bit concerned. But that's not the same thing.
GRANDFATHER
Because I can stop now if you want.
THE KID
No. You could read a little bit more ... if you want.
(He grips the sheets again, as the Grandfather picks up the book)
GRANDFATHER
(reading)
"Do you know what that sound is, Highness?"
& nbsp; CUT TO:
VIZZINI.
We're back in the boat.
VIZZINI
Those are the Shrieking Eels.
THE KID
(off-screen)
We're past that, Grandpa.
CUT TO:
THE SICK KID'S ROOM
THE KID
You read it already.
GRANDFATHER
Oh. Oh my goodness, I did. I'm sorry. Beg your pardon.
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP,
treading water.
GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
All right, all right, let's see. Uh, she was
in the water, the Eel was coming after her. She was frightened. The Eel
started to charge her. And then -
And we're back where we were at the last moment we saw her, Buttercup
frozen, the Shrieking Eel, jaws wide, about to clamp
down as we
CUT TO:
A GIANT ARM,
pounding the Eel unconscious in one move, then easily lifting Buttercup.
PULL BACK TO REVEAL
The boat and FEZZIK, Buttercup being deposited on the deck.
VIZZINI
Put her down. Just put her down.
CUT TO:
INIGO,
pointing behind them.
INIGO
I think he's getting closer.
Vizzini, tying Buttercup's hands.
VIZZINI
He's no concern of ours. Sail on!
(to Buttercup)
I suppose you think you're brave, don't you?
BUTTERCUP
(staring deep at him)
Only compared to some.
DISSOLVE TO:
The boat at dawn, being followed closely by the black sailboat, which
we can see for the first time is being sailed by a MAN
IN BLACK, and his boat almost seems to be flying.
INIGO
Look! He's right on top of us. I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using.
VIZZINI
Whoever he is, he's too late --
(pointing ahead of them)
-- see?
(big)
The Cliffs of Insanity.
And once he's said the name,