SCENE XV - MAKE-OVER AT CHER'S HOUSE
"Supermodel" Jill Sobule
(Various scenes of Cher and Dionne
making overTai, then Cher and Tai
working out in the lounge room)
CHER
Squeeze
in.
TAI
Cher,
I don't wanna do this any more, and my buns, they don't feel
nothin'
like steel.
CHER
OK, it
will get easier, I promise. Just as long as we do it every
day. Not
just sporadically.
TAI
How do
you know if we're doing it sporadically?
CHER
That's
another thing, Tai. We've got to work on your accent and
vocabulary.
See, sporadic means once in a while. Try and use it in a
sentence
today.
TAI
Alright.
CHER
OK, from
now on we're alternating Cindy Crawford's "Aerobicise" and
"Buns
of Steel", and reading one non-school book a week. My first
book is
"Fit or Fat".
TAI
Mine is
"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus".
CHER
Good.
Now that takes care of our minds and bodies, but we should do
something
good for mankind or the planet for a couple of hours.
(Josh walks in)
JOSH
Hey, brainiac.
CHER
Uh, the
dreaded ex. Tai, this is Josh.
JOSH
Nice to
meet ya.
CHER
Hey! You
know about this stuff. I want to do something good for
humanity.
JOSH
How about
sterilization?
(Tai cracks up. Cher and Josh enter
the kitchen)
CHER
So, what
do ya think?
JOSH
I'm amazed.
CHER
That I'm
devoting myself so generously to someone else?
JOSH
No, that
you've found someone even more clueless than you are to
worship
you.
CHER
I am rescuing
her from teenage hell. Do you know the wounds from
adolescence
can take years to heal?
JOSH
Yeah,
and you've never had a mother so you're acting out on that
poor girl
as if she was your Barbie doll.
CHER
Freshman
psych rears it's ugly head
JOSH
Hey, I
am not taking psych.
CHER
Whatever.
I am going to take that lost soul in there and make her
well-dressed
and popular. Her life will be better because of me. How
many girls
can say that about you?
(Josh and Cher walk back to the
lounge where Tai is watching T.V. and
singing along with the "Mentos"
ad.)
JOSH
Be seein'
ya.
TAI
Yeah,
I hope not sporadically.
SCENE XVI - SCHOOL
CHER
Oh, my
God. Do you see how boys are responding? My heart is totally
bursting.
DIONNE
I know. I'm kvelling!
(Travis
approaches)
TRAVIS
Cher,
you have Timor, right?
CHER
Giest.
TRAVIS
Hey, Tai!
Did you get a flyer?
TAI
Uh-uh.
TRAVIS
Here.
TAI
Thanks.
Wow, a party!
CHER
It's in
the Valley. The cops usually break 'em up in less than an
hour,
and it takes that long to get there.
DIONNE
And besides,
it's just local loadies.
TAI
Do you
guys think that Travis is gonna be there?
DIONNE
Tai, I
thought we moved on from there.
CHER
Don't
sell yourself short now. You've got something going for you
that no
one in this school has.
TAI
Oh, I'm
not a virgin.
CHER
I mean
mystery. As far as everyone is concerned you were the most
popular
girl in your school, and the fact that you hang with Dee and
I, well...
DIONNE
Speaks
very highly of you.
CHER
If you
strike while the iron is hot, you can have any guy that you
want.
TAI
Like who?
CHER
Let's
see. Who's available? There's Bronson... I got it! Elton! He
just broke
up with Collette.
DIONNE
Oh, yes!
TAI
Who's
Elton?
DIONNE
Oh, my
God. He's way popular. He's like the social director of the
crew.
CHER
Yeah,
and his Dad can get you into any concert, and I noticed him
scoping
you out.
TAI
He was
looking at me?
CHER
He said
you gave him a toothache.
TAI
How'd
I do that?
CHER
It's an
expression. It means he thought you were sweet.
TAI
Yeah?
CHER
Yeah.
TAI
Wow.
DIONNE
Is that
true?
CHER
No.
DIONNE
Oh, you
are so bad.
(Scene moves to fountain where
Cher is taking pictures of the crew)
"Alright" Supergrass
CHER
Ok, you
guys, all get together. Oh, that is great. Smile! Tai, Tai,
get a
little closer. Closer Tai. Good, great! Hey, Elton, uh, why
don't
you put your arm around Tai?
ELTON
(Unwillingly)
Alright!
CHER
Yeah,
that's great.
OK. Tai,
c'mere, c'mere, Tai.
(Scene moves to just Cher and Tai
by bushes)
Hold that.
TAI
OK.
CHER
OK.
(Elton approaches.)
ELTON
Cool picture.
CHER
Doesn't
she look classic?
ELTON
Yeah,
this is beautiful.
CHER
She looks
like one of those Bottichellis chicks.
ELTON
Hey, why
don't you make me a copy of this, OK?
CHER
Sure.
SCENE XVII - CHER'S HOUSE, DINING
ROOM
CHER
Hi Daddy.
This is my friend, Tai.
MEL
Get out
of my chair!
(Tai moves to opposite Cher. Lucy
brings in dinner.)
CHER
Thank
you, Lucy. It looks great.
MEL
What is
this crap?
CHER
Daddy,
it's from the "Cut your Colesterol" cook book. Doctor Lovitz
says you've
got to get down to two hundred.
(Cher's pager beeps.)
MEL
No calls
tonight.
CHER
But it's
Dionne, it might...
MEL
Sorry!
CHER
It might
be important.
MEL
We're
going to have a nice family dinner. So, uh, what'd you do at
school
today?
CHER
Well...
I broke in my purple clogs.
(Mel's phone rings.)
MEL
Yeah,
hello? Alright, Jake. Yeah, yeah, no, no, what?
CHER
Dee? Whatup?
DIONNE
So, check
it. Murray's geometry class is right by Elton's locker,
and taped
up inside was the picture you took of Tai.
CHER
Oh, my
God.
TAI
What?
CHER
Elton's
got a picture of you hanging up in his locker.
TAI
Oh, no
shit!
DIONNE
Hello!
So, anyway, the whole crew is going to this party in the
Valley.
CHER
Bye.
(Cher hangs up the phone.)
Looks
like we're going to have to make a cameo at the Val party.
MEL (in background)
I told
you I want it in the morning. No!
SCENE XVIII - MURRAY'S CAR
DIONNE
Murray!
MURRAY
Just look
at the top of the map. Sun Valley is north.
DIONNE
OK, no.
All I see is Bel Air, OK.
MURRAY
Then you're
on the wrong map.
DIONNE
I am not
on the wrong map.
MURRAY
Look at
the number on the top. What is the number on the top?
DIONNE
There
are no numbers on the top. There's letters.
(Murray makes a frustrated noise.)
DIONNE
Murray,
shut up!
CHER
Please
don't friz out!
SCENE XIX - THE VAL PARTY
(The gang pull up outside the party.)
Listen
Tai, when we get there make sure Elton sees you, but don't
say hi
first. Look like you're having fun and you're really popular.
Talk to
someone in his eyeline, preferably a guy. Make him come to
you, and
find an excuse to leave while he's still into the
conversation.
The key is, always have him wanting more. You got it?
TAI
I got
it.
CHER
OK.
TRAVIS
Heads
up!
(Does a rail slide with his skateboard
on the stair-rail.)
TAI
Oh, did
you just see that?!
CHER
Oh, God.
Skateboards, that is like, so five years ago.
TRAVIS
Oh, you
guys came! That's great! You want a beer? I'll get you one.
CHER (to Tai)
No.
(The girls enter the party house.)
"Unknown song and artist"
TAI
This is
ragin'.
CHER
Let's
do a lap before we commit to a location.
(Dionne drags a dancing girl away
from Murray.)
DIONNE
Who was
that?!
TAI
Cher,
ain't that the same dress that you was wearin' yesterday?
CHER
Say, Ambular?
AMBER
Hi.
CHER
Was that
you going through my laundry?
AMBER
As if.
Like I would really wear something from Judy's.
CHER
Do you
prefer fashion victim or ensembly challenged?
(Amber walks off.)
AMBER
Uh!
CHER
What a
clone.
TAI
Cher,
you looked much better in that dress than she did.
(Travis bursts onto the scene spilling
drink on Cher's shoes.)
CHER
Uh! Ruin
my satin shoes, why don't you?!
TRAVIS
I'm sorry.
(They move to the kitchen.)
CHER
Excuse
me, my shoes! Uh! This is so not fixable.
TRAVIS
It's a
small price to pay to the party gods. Look, I'll make amends.
How about
some chronic shit?
CHER
Oh, it's
the least you could do.
TAI
Spark
it.
CHER
Hey, Elton's
over there. Act like Travis is saying something funny.
(Tai hands joint to Cher and blows
smoke in her face.)
TAI
Sorry.
(Tai starts cracking up.)
TRAVIS
What's
so funny?
TAI
Nothing.
(Elton approaches and reaches behind
Cher for the joint)
CHER
Oh, here.
(Summer enters holding a card)
SUMMER
Hey, everyone!
Let's play suck and blow.
(The card passes through the group
until Elton drops it (on purpose) and
plants one right on Cher's mouth)
CHER
God, Elton.
Can you suck?
(Dionne screams in the background)
It's Dee.
C'mon!
(Scene changes to the bathroom,
where Murray is getting his head shaved)
DIONNE
What have
you done! Oh, my God! Uh! Why did you do this to your
head?!
MURRAY
Because
I'm keeping it real. Because I'm keeping it real.
DIONNE
What?!
MURRAY
'Cause
I'm keeping it... 'cause I'm keeping it real.
DIONNE (to Cher)
Look!
Look what he's done to his head! Can you believe this?
MURRAY
Look at
Lawrence's head. Alright?
LAWRENCE
It's the
bomb!
MURRAY
You know
what I'm sayin'? You look good.
LAWRENCE
As will
you.
DIONNE
What'd
you care what he thinks, Murray? I'm the one that has to look
at you.
That was a big mistake. What am I going to do with you now?
And right
before the year book pictures? What am I going to tell my
grandchildren?
MURRAY
Alright.
DIONNE
You know
what? Ok, that's it.
MURRAY (mimicking)
That's
it.
DIONNE
You wanna
play games?
MURRAY (mimicking agin)
You wanna
play games?
DIONNE
I'm calling
your mother.
MURRAY
I'm...
I'm ca... Oh, wait! Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, wait.
Don't
call my Ma.
LAWRENCE
Yo, man.
Chill, chill!
MURRAY
Chill?!
(Cher and Tai start walking away)
CHER
Same thing
happened at the spring dance. She spent the entire
after-party
in the bathroom.
TAI
See, that
almost destroyed by buzz.
CHER
I'm still
baked.
TAI
Yeah.
(Back to the dance floor.)
"Rollin' With My Homies" Coolio
CHER
What do
ya say, we go bump into people?
TAI
Yeah,
I'm cool with that.
TRAVIS (from on the fireplace)
Hey, Tai!
Wait up! Whooh!
(Travis jumps onto the crowd. No
one keeps him up and he hits the deck.)
TAI
Are you
OK?
TRAVIS (to dancers)
Where's
your sense of pit hospitality?
TAI
That was
so cool, the way you did that. I wish I could do it.
TRAVIS
Oh, no,
don't.
TAI
Why not?
TRAVIS
Well,
'cause if girls did it, what would guys do to impress them?
TAI
I don't
know, like stuff. You know?
TRAVIS
What kind
of stuff?
(Cher spots Travis tuning Tai and
butts in to stop it)
CHER
Tai, I
need you.
TAI
OK.
CHER
Elton's
over there.
(The girls start dancing. As Tai
is trying to impress Elton she is hit in
the head by a flying Clog)
CHER
Tai! Tai,
Elton, help me!
(Elton carries Tai into the kitchen
and places her on the counter)
CHER
Thank
you.
TRAVIS
Here,
you should use ice.
CHER
No, Travis!
We've got it under control.
TRAVIS
Tai, are
you OK?
CHER
Travis,
Tai would have wanted you to enjoy the party.
CHER
If it's
a concussion, you have to keep her concious, OK? Ask her
questions.
ELTON
What's
seven times seven?
CHER
Stuff
she knows!
(Tai sits up and hits her head
on the light.)
ELTON
Some bump
you've got there.
TAI
Yeah.
ELTON
Yeah?
You ready to go back out there?
TAI
Yeah,
I am.
ELTON
Alright.
Are you sure? Can you do this? (Singing) Rollin' with the
homies.
TAI
(Singing)
Rollin' with the homies.
ELTON
Yeah,
let's do it. You're ready.
(Elton and Tai go back to the dance
floor.)
CHER V.O.
I had
to give myself snaps for all the good deeds I was doing. It
was so
great. Love was everywhere. Even though I was alone, I was
really
happy for Tai. It's like that book I read in ninth grade that
said,
"'tis a far, far better thing doing stuff for other people."
(Scene changed to outside by the
pool. Cher's phone rings.)
CHER
Hello?
MEL
Do you
know what time it is?
CHER
A watch
really doesn't go with this outfit, Daddy.
MEL
Where
are you?
CHER
Uuhh,
just having a snack with my girlfriends.
MEL
Where,
in Kuwait?!
CHER
Is that
in the Valley?
MEL
Cher,
I expect you to walk in this door in twenty minutes.
CHER
Well,
um, it might take longer than that, Dad.
MEL
Everywhere
in L.A. takes twenty minutes.
(Cher hangs up the phone.)
(Scene changes to outside front
of party house.)
CHER
Sorry
to make you leave, Dionne is bucking for best dramatic actress
at a Val
party.
(Tai laughs.)
CHER
Hey, Summer!
SUMMER
Hi! Pretty
random fiesta. Need a ride home?
CHER
That'd
be great! Thanks!
ELTON
No, I
got it.
SUMMER
Well,
I'm right below Wilshire and Lindon.
TAI
Oh, that's
right near me! I'm, um, above Olympic.
ELTON
Great!
Then, Tai you'll go with Summer, and Cher you'll come with
me.
CHER
Actually,
you could take Wilshire to Cannon and that turns into
Bennedict.
ELTON
Well,
then she'd have to go back south and I'm already going north.
CHER
But, you
could take Tai on your way up to Sunset. Yeah.
ELTON
That doesn't
make any sense! I'd have to get off the freeway, I hate
that.
Tai, go with Summer, Cher, you'll come with me. Watch your
feet.
(Each get into respective cars
and wave each other goodbye.)